Losing my cat – I’m really struggling to cope

Hi @manonche, I’ll share my experience with you, if it helps at all: To me, yes, it’s completely normal. I also lost my cat when she was 16; I loved her more than anything (along with my other two pets) even though she wasn’t the cuddly type or anything like that. She only ever came into my room to snoop around for two minutes before heading off again; she never slept on my bed or anything. She was a pedigree cat and quite solitary—I used to have to force her into my arms for a cuddle! ^^ Personally, I’m a very solitary person and single, even though life has been kind to me in terms of my health and finances. Yet, I know people who have much less but seem way happier than me because of my sensitivity towards animals. I’m saying all this because I think my solitude—which is a choice (I’d much rather go home after work to play on my PC, work out, or watch a series than go out with "mates")—makes it harder. I think when you have a partner, you’re stronger in these kinds of situations. Basically, I think being at home too much, alone with our pets, makes us too attached to them and makes us more sensitive. Anyway, I lost my cat about 4 or 5 years ago now, I’d say. I haven’t forgotten her and I never will, but I have moved on. For a year or two—I can’t quite remember how long—I used to dream about her. Every time I opened a door, I thought I saw her or hoped to see her, every single day. Then it went down to 3 or 4 times a week, then eventually it settled down—and I’m a "29-year-old man", believe it or not. All this to say that one year is actually still quite "fresh". Like I said, my cat and I didn't even have an inseparable bond and it still took me several years, so in your case... and you were really unlucky to only have her for 5 years, I really feel for you. The one good thing is that you CAN find closure because you know what happened to her. Some people never see their cats come home; they wait for days, months, never knowing what happened to them, and then the grieving process is even harder. I went through that once and it was incredibly tough. Hang in there. (And if you can tell me a bit more about yourself, your family situation, if you have other pets now, if you’re a solitary person, etc., it might help me reflect on a few things.)

Hi everyone, I lost my Gary seven months ago. He was a lovely Persian who was given to me when he was seven; I was his third owner. We very quickly formed an incredible bond, a connection unlike any I’d ever had with another cat. Sadly, just over a year after he came to live with us, Gary fell ill. I nursed him day and night for almost a year; he never fully recovered, though there were periods where it seemed like he was getting better. Then the verdict came: dry FIP. His condition deteriorated so rapidly that we had to put him to sleep to end his suffering. Like many of you, I’m still struggling to cope. I still cry every day, though I hide it so I don’t upset my husband (who understands my grief but feels helpless that he can't do anything). I know I’ll never forget him and that I’ll always feel the ache of his absence. I’ve since been given another kitten whom I adore and spoil rotten, but he’s not Gary, and I often feel a sense of guilt for having a new kitten. I know so many of us share this immense heartbreak and that we truly understand one another. Let others think and say "it was only a cat"—just turn to those who are willing to listen. Best wishes.

Hi there, I had to have my little boy put to sleep just over three weeks ago, so I’m not quite at your stage yet. I’ve had cats all my life and every loss has been deeply upsetting, but with this little guy, we had such an incredible, soulmate-like bond. I know that in a year’s time, or even ten years, I’ll still think of him with a real pang in my heart. To me, our little companions touch our hearts and souls; we build a different relationship with every animal, but with some, it really is *that* one special connection. Don’t ever feel ashamed of your grief. I’ve had people say things like "it was only a cat" and I’ve actually cut ties with those kinds of insensitive people. I don’t expect everyone to understand, but they should at least respect my sorrow and my mourning. I’m currently looking for a new little companion to love; I know it’ll warm my heart and, while they’ll never replace my darling boy, they will help fill the void he’s left behind. Stay strong.

Your reaction is completely normal, and depending on how close a bond you had with your cat, it can be even harder, even though we love them all just as much. Your cat was very young, which is all the more reason to feel so devastated. When I lose an older cat, of course it’s heartbreaking, but I tell myself they’ve had a happy life and that it’s just the natural order of things, even if it's hard to accept. But losing a young cat is incredibly tough because you end up feeling so much guilt, even if you did everything you possibly could to save them. HCM is such a brutal disease, which is another reason it’s so hard as you probably weren't prepared for it. Just know that you never truly get over the loss of a pet (except for those heartless sorts who couldn't care less, like the ones who tell you "it was only a cat"). The pain eases with time and, like Yume, my best therapy is to get another little one who can help shift my thoughts to something more cheerful. I always feel that taking in a new cat is a tribute to the one I've lost, because I miss them so terribly.

Evening, I completely understand how hard it is to get over the loss of a pet. I got another cat nearly three years ago now, but I’d lost my previous one almost 10 years before that. On top of the grief, I was also dealing with a lot of guilt (she was on the pill and had developed a mammary tumour); I had to have her put to sleep shortly after her surgery because of fluid on her lungs. I kept most of her things for years and the idea of getting a new cat was unthinkable for me, just because losing them is so heartbreaking. One day, we found two kittens in the yard at work. A colleague called her neighbour, who was a fosterer, and she took them in. Gradually, I started thinking that maybe I should have taken them, and I thought about all those rescue cats who don't get enough to eat, or a warm place to sleep, or any cuddles... that’s what made me decide to get another cat. Even though I’ll never forget my old girl, I don't love Yume any less, and I think if anything happened to her, I wouldn't wait quite so long to find a new companion.