It’s coming up to a year since my Colline passed away from cardiomyopathy on 25th April 2020. She was only five and a half, and I’m realising that I’m still incredibly heartbroken over her death. Especially with the anniversary approaching, I keep thinking about our last moments together and I get a lump in my throat; I just want to burst into tears. I should clarify that I haven’t felt this way every single second since she died, but I often have these waves of sadness.
I had another cat for 10 years who passed away 7 years ago now; even though I was very sad then, it didn't last anywhere near as long as it has with Colline. So I was wondering, has anyone else here experienced such intense pain for this long? I have to admit, there’s a bit of shame mixed in with the grief because people around me say, “But it was only a cat, I don’t understand why you’re making yourself so ill over it.” 😳
Thank you for any of your stories or advice.
Translated from French
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I had to have my cat put to sleep as she was very poorly during the night of 1st June 2022. She was about 12-14 years old. I’ve never felt such intense pain... it felt like losing half of me. Then, a week or two later, I started browsing rescue centre websites and came across two little 4-month-old black kittens that no one wanted to adopt because of their colour. I put in an application, though I didn't get my hopes up as there’s been such a high demand for adoptions since Covid. Even though I’d only just lost my cat, I felt the need to help out without trying to replace my sweet Kitkat. These two little black bundles of fur had a really rough start in life (their mum was hit by a car) and two of the four kittens died on the way to the rescue. So only Loki and Thor (two brothers) were left, and I thought they deserved a second chance. My Kitkat was black too, and she was an amazing cat. They finally got in touch about the two black kittens, and they’ve been living with me for two weeks now. I don’t regret a thing, and nothing will ever make me forget my Kitkat. Sending you all strength xxx I’ve found so much comfort on this forum.
I don't really agree that life is unfair. There are different ways to look at it: you could say it's unfair, but I'm not so sure. We're incredibly lucky to have been able to live happily with our pets, even if there are parts of life that aren't so great. Then there's the "life is beautiful" view, where everything is perfect and we're so lucky and all that... as for "making the most of life", well, you definitely have to, even during the hardest times—they’re unpleasant moments, but you have to keep moving forward. And then there's my way of seeing things: "one way or another, it all comes down to being a bit pointless in the end" because everything is just a series of coincidences. It’s a massive stroke of luck just to be alive, and if we weren't, we’d never have known all the lovely times we’ve had. We never asked to be born, but not having a life at all would be even more pointless. So, anyway, life isn't unfair, it's just very fragile. We should cherish every moment with our companions, whoever they may be, because any moment could be the last. We often regret not making more of those final days, so we should enjoy their presence to the absolute fullest every single day! (Anyway, that’s just my opinion). To be honest, I’ve always got over losing my pets quite quickly; that’s just how I handle grief, but everyone has their own way. Even so, I still have moments where I feel sad about losing Bertrand and Téo—it’s completely natural, and you’d have to be less than human not to feel that way. But then I look at Janette and Min Ho, and I wouldn't have known them if it wasn't for Bertrand and Téo. It’s thanks to them that they’re here; Janette and Min Ho aren’t replacements, but we found them because of the others. It wouldn't have happened if Bertrand and Téo hadn't lived, and if they hadn't passed away. To die, you have to live, and to live, you have to die; they’re the basic rules of life, but we often forget them.
I really feel for you. I lost my darling boy three months ago and I’m still thinking about him all the time. The emptiness is just unbearable; I can’t seem to move on. I miss him so much.
I completely understand. I lost my cat, Neva, when she was only 2. She had a heart condition that was both undetectable and incurable. I’m deeply sad and inconsolable; I miss her so much. I find it so unfair for her, it’s just horrible, I’m absolutely heartbroken.
Hi there,
I’ve been through the same thing and you’re definitely not alone. Losing my cat left me feeling nostalgic for a year, then very sad. Over time the sadness slowly eases off, but it never really goes away completely. What I did was, because I didn't want to "forget" her, whenever I thought of her I’d force myself to think of the times when she was happy, just to help me slowly come to terms with it 😞
What you’re saying about becoming overly attached to pets due to loneliness (whether by choice or circumstance) is an interesting point. It’s true that many people involved in animal welfare sometimes find it hard to get on with other people.
That said, and I’m only speaking for myself here, I wasn’t lonely at all when my beloved Siamese passed away, and I suffered from real depression after he died. I think the kind of bond you form with a cat who loves you—and whom you love in return—touches the deepest and most primal parts of our brains. It’s actually been proven that a loving cat contributes significantly to the health and blood pressure of the person looking after them.
This bond is so deep and unique that it remains something of a mystery, and I’m quite happy for it to stay that way.
Hello, I lost my Gary seven months ago. He was a lovely Persian given to me when he was seven; I was his third owner. We very quickly formed an exceptional bond, a connection unlike any I'd ever had with another cat. Unfortunately, just over a year after he arrived, Gary fell ill. I nursed him day and night for almost a year without him ever really getting better, though there were periods where he seemed to be on the mend. Then the diagnosis came: dry FIP. As his condition was deteriorating so quickly, we had to put him to sleep to end his suffering. Like you, I’m not over it; I still cry every day, hiding it so I don't upset my husband (who understands my grief but is sad that he can't do anything to help). I know I’ll never forget him and that his absence will always be painful. I’ve been given another kitten whom I love dearly and spoil rotten, but he’s not Gary, and I often feel guilty about having a new kitten. I know many of us share this immense heartbreak and that we understand each other. Let other people think and say "it was only a cat", and instead, turn to those who are ready to listen. Best wishes.
Your story is so sad; you had found THE cat and he left you so soon afterwards... life is so unfair :(
Hello. We really do understand your pain. I lost Moumoune, a Siamese, 3 years ago; he meant the world to me and it took me 2 years to get over it. I still think about him and even dream about him sometimes. Don't pay any attention to people who don't understand the loss of a pet. I'm currently living with 4 cats who really keep me going; they were all strays except for one from a rescue and one from a lab. We never forget our pets; they lived a beautiful life full of love and affection by our side. Getting another cat really helps you move forward. I wish you lots of strength. Do come back whenever you feel the need, there will always be someone here to talk to.
Yes, exactly, your story reminds me so much of my own. I lost my Siamese and it also took me 2 years to get over it, even though I had other pets. I often wonder if it would have been even worse if I hadn't had other animals and it was just her? Almost certainly.
@Manonche unfortunately I think it will probably take another good year for the pain to start fading. I forgot to mention, during those 2 years it took me to recover, I didn't look at a single photo of my cat (looking at pictures of her was just too painful and brought all the hurt back). Everyone has their own way of coping, but I personally think looking at photos too often just delays the grieving process.
Evening, everyone here will understand you. We don't all grieve in the same way for every cat. Some leave a deeper mark on us than others, and that's perfectly normal. Just like our relationships with people, really. Your Colline must have brought you 'something extra'. For a long time now, I've kept my grief to myself when I lose a cat; I don't try to talk about it with those around me anymore. I lost my beloved Siamese, Blue Cat, over ten years ago, and I still dream about him sometimes. It's amazing how our cats get into our heads, our emotions and our subconscious, even after they're gone.
I'm not sure I agree there, I think it might depend on the person, as well as the point in their life when they had the cat. I mean, before I became such a loner, I don't think I loved animals quite this much. These days, I feel like any cat I take in from a young age, I’d love them more than anything—not necessarily from day one, but definitely as time goes on.
