I think my cat's death was my fault

Hi, I’m looking for some stories similar to mine. I’m feeling so much guilt too. My 9-month-old cat was doing so well, no issues at all except for an accident where he broke his femur. He had to have surgery and then two months of crate rest—a really traumatic experience. Then last night around 4am, he woke me up because his breathing was very strange. I was panicking; I tried to calm him down and there were moments when he seemed to be doing better!!!! But by 7am, it was over. I feel so guilty for not taking him to the emergency vet straight away. I just feel so awful 🥹.

Hello everyone, I’ve read all your posts. It’s been two days since my 15-year-old girl passed away. My grief is unbearable and I feel so guilty too. I saved her once before when she was two; she was hit by a car and gangrene meant she had to have a leg amputated. But with only three legs and such an amazing personality, nothing stopped her! She even had a litter of beautiful kittens. She was so incredibly kind and I blame myself, I blame myself terribly. The images just keep playing over and over in my head, replaying the last few days like a film. She used to come in every evening, but lately she’d spent the night outside in the garden a couple of times. She always had her hiding spots and loved being outdoors, so I didn’t worry... she was losing a bit of weight, but I saw her eating and people told me it was just old age, that it was normal... but no, her heart murmur meant she was getting fluid on her lungs and I didn't see it! An emergency vet came out and just gave her medication for her appetite!!!!! I’m so angry with him!! He should have taken her into the surgery! She was gasping for breath the next morning; by the time we got to the clinic, the journey had stressed her so much and I didn't even get to hold her in my arms... My heart is breaking and I feel so much guilt...

You know, I’ve seen several of my companions pass away over the years, both rabbits and cats. They were always animals that roamed freely in my garden—the rabbits too, even though they often nipped over to the neighbours' as well, and my cats went everywhere. And I can tell you that every time, I’ve looked back at the last time I saw them alive, at that final moment we shared, and every single time it was heartbreakingly ordinary. Why? Simply because it was just everyday life and, just like with you, there was no sign at all that it was the last time I’d see them. But you remember that moment and it just goes round and round in your head... The truth is, you’ve got nothing to blame yourself for. She was ill, you knew that, but she’d been holding on until now and you couldn't have imagined that this time would be the end. Objectively, you gave her a final chapter in a very loving environment; you almost certainly extended her life, and she’ll have been happy to have had that. But when it’s over, it’s over, and it isn't your fault. I have a cat who was born with cat flu. I didn't think he’d survive, so I think I’ve kept a bit of an emotional distance from him compared to my other cats, even though I adore him. He’s five now, but two or three times a year he takes a real turn for the worse, and even though I look after him, I half expect to find him gone first thing in the morning. I know that one day it’ll come to an end, and it’ll just be an ordinary morning, a day like any other, except he’ll have gone to find a well-earned rest where he’ll never be ill again. But in the meantime, just like your cat, I think he’s happy just enjoying life and those moments of joy and companionship.

Hi, Please don’t beat yourself up; you’ve given a home to a senior cat, and that’s already a massive thing to do. Just one thing to keep in mind: if a cat goes outside their litter tray, like on a bed or the sofa (places where they know you’ll spot it), they aren’t doing it to be spiteful. More often than not, they’re trying to draw your attention to a health issue. Look into the root of the problem whenever it happens. All the best.

Hi Joy, I’m so sorry for your loss. The poor girl clearly wasn't in a good way. The weight loss, the accidents in the house, her no longer grooming herself, her being so lethargic, and losing so many teeth... these are all clear signs of illness or that she was reaching the end. I'm sure you realise that the little moment of anger you had played no part at all in her passing. We all feel guilty when we lose our cats. It’s a completely normal reaction; it would be more concerning if you didn’t feel that way. Stay strong. You’ll have other cats in your life—life is long.

Thank you ever so much for your replies. Reading through your stories, not for one second do I think that you’re to blame for what happened... But it’s just so hard to have lost him so suddenly; I love him so much. I truly hope I gave him the best life possible. I’m going to learn from these mistakes and once I’m ready, I will definitely get another pet from a rescue. I’ll never again put off those kinds of things that seem less important than they actually are. Thank you so much for all your support; thanks to you, I feel like I can start to move on. I wish you and your pets all the very best.

Hello, I completely agree with Yume... when our pets pass away, every single one of us feels a sense of guilt. Sometimes there’s no real reason for it, but it’s only human—it’s all part of the stages of grief. And yes, we really do have to grieve for our pets. 😥 I'm 68, and I’ve seen quite a few of them go over the years. We always find something to blame ourselves for... and as Yume said, none of us is perfect. The last one I lost was Voyou, a 7-year-old cat who had been in great shape until then. He came home one night looking terrified and was struggling to breathe... but I probably wasn't thinking straight because my old girl, a 13-year-old dog, had suddenly passed away just six days earlier... I decided to wait until the morning 😡😡😡... when I woke up, he was in a bad way and died right in front of me about 30 minutes later. So yes, the guilt is real... I shouldn't have waited until the morning. Anyway, we all just do our best, given our own circumstances at the time. So, try to look for the positives in your story. Your cat was old, and there might have been health issues you didn't even know about. Having a cat peeing all over the place isn't easy... Let anyone who has never lost their cool be the first to cast a stone! 😀😀😀 Everyone snaps and shouts at some point... or at least thinks it very loudly. This sweet girl had a decent end to her life THANKS TO YOU... never forget that. Many others don't get that chance, especially at the moment with such a terrible wave of pets being abandoned. So, try to think of the good times you had with her, and if you can, bring some happiness to another four-legged friend—there are so many in the rescue centres. It will never be her, but it’s a new love story starting all over again. Wishing you lots of strength for the future.

Hi there, It’s impossible to say for sure whether your cat passed away because of the worm infestation. But I think you’re far from the only person to feel guilty after losing a pet (whether through an accident, missing signs that they were poorly, or waiting too long to see the vet...). A friend of my mum’s accidentally killed her kitten while closing the patio door, and a colleague’s kitten died instantly when a clothes horse fell on it (and I’ve got plenty of other stories like that). I felt a lot of guilt after my girl died. She developed a mammary tumour because she was on the pill. Since she wasn’t the easiest cat to handle, I didn’t notice it straight away. The surgery went well, but she went downhill shortly after. I took her back to the vet and it turned out she had fluid on her lungs. I brought her home after two days, but she wasn't eating, so I was syringe-feeding her. A few days later, I came home to find her lying on the bathroom floor (somewhere she never usually went). My neighbour drove me to the vet and I had to have her put to sleep; the vet told me there was nothing else they could do as she was already dying. It was so incredibly difficult—not just losing her, but the knowledge that it was my fault. I’d never been to the vet before the tumour (she’d only had her first three vaccinations and was never ill). If I’d gone for routine check-ups, the vet might have told me how dangerous the pill was, or spotted the tumour sooner. If I’d gone back to the vet the moment I saw she wasn't eating, maybe she could have been treated and wouldn't have suffered... Unfortunately, you can’t turn back the clock; you can only learn from it for your future pets. It took me ten years before I felt ready to get another cat. Yume is three now, and I’ve learned from my past negligence: she’s been spayed and I take her for regular check-ups. When she had a bout of poisoning (I’m not sure from what), she stayed at the vet's for 24 hours, and when she still wasn’t eating after she got home, I had her back at the vet within 48 hours. Regarding the feeling that you neglected them towards the end—unfortunately, none of us are perfect. There are moments when we’re less patient or less attentive... it’s just human nature. Plenty of people lose a loved one right after having a row with them. Even though it’s natural to feel guilty, the most important thing is all the love and care you gave them before that. Sending you lots of strength during this painful time, and please try not to let the guilt take over.