Hello, I'm at my wits' end, so I'm turning to you for help.
Just to explain the situation, I have a son who's just over two and a half and an 11-month-old daughter.
On the 12th of May, I took in a kitten born on the 13th of April, so he wasn't fully weaned. His mother had abandoned him, so a friend gave him to me. She doesn't know who the father is. I hand-reared him myself using a dropper and kitten formula...
But since he arrived, he's been attacking the children, and my partner and me as well. He bites us; he doesn't scratch my partner or me, but he does scratch the kids. We've tried everything to get him to stop.
Most of the time it’s just play, but I promise you, often he does it for no reason at all and gets really aggressive... and when he's being nasty, it's only towards my children.
If we can't manage to calm him down, we're going to have to rehome him. I really don't want it to come to that; I've grown so attached to him, and he’s like a baby to me. You wouldn't give up on a child just because they bite others...
But my partner is putting his foot down. If things haven't changed by mid-August, we’ll be giving him away to someone with a garden and, crucially, no children.
We live in a flat, the kids aren't mean to him, and he also can't stand being stroked—he bites us straight away...
Do you have any advice for me? I had a cat when I was a teenager at my parents' house and he wasn't like this, even though he hadn't been fully weaned either.
Thanks a lot.
Translated from French
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Hi everyone, every time my grandson visits, my cat really goes for him. As soon as my back is turned, he attacks and bites him quite badly. They’re both 3 years old and I’m at my wits' end. My grandson doesn’t even touch him or bother him, so I don’t know why the cat is being so nasty to the child. Even if he’s just sitting on the sofa, if I’m not in the room, the cat attacks him...
Has it not occurred to anyone on this forum that the kitten simply hasn't been properly weaned!? Weaning isn't just about stopping them from drinking their mother's milk. Most of their socialisation and development happens during that third month with the mother. So, it's down to you to train them as if you were the mother cat! A tap on the nose, picking them up by the scruff of the neck... If you have an older cat, that might help too.
Otherwise, feline ethologists do exist, you just have to find one as they're quite rare (an ethologist is an animal behaviourist).
As for those of you advocating for claw clippers and claw caps... I'd like to see how you'd like it. Of course, protecting our children is important, but taking the easy way out isn't always the best solution. A cat is a cat, whether you like it or not! There's no need to turn them into a GMO.
Hi, I'm 12 and my cat is acting the same way. He doesn't attack my mum, but he's really aggressive towards my sister and me. (My mum thinks he's jealous of us, but I'm not convinced by that theory.)
Evening everyone,
Anyone saying you should just get rid of him should be ashamed! He’s a living being who needs love, not to be dumped the moment there’s a bit of a problem. I can't believe I'm even reading that. Just a reminder that abandoning an animal is a criminal offence that can lead to two years in prison and a fine of around £25,000.
Anyway, it sounds like the cat hasn’t been weaned properly (usually weaning takes a few months). Because of that, he hasn’t had the chance to socialise properly.
I’d recommend getting in touch with a pet behaviourist who can point you in the right direction, or asking your vet for advice. Otherwise, if your cat gets too rough while playing, you need to stop immediately and ignore him completely. With a bit of patience, he’ll eventually understand that he has to play gently.
With my cat, we just ignore him when he does that and he settles down on his own. Usually, a firm “gentle” is enough to put him off.
I trim the tips of my cat's claws regularly... when she kneads me while purring, it sometimes stings and I can't stand it.
You need to teach the little one to understand his cat: when he's flicking his tail, he's annoyed, and so on. At 2 years old, he can definitely learn all that.
As for the youngest girl, she can learn to be "gentle" and, by watching the older one, she'll do the same.
Most importantly, the cat must learn that scratching the children is absolutely out of the question... even if it means using a water spray bottle. It startles him but it doesn't hurt. If he scratches, he gets a quick squirt immediately.
It needs to be clear to the cat: attacking the kids isn't a game, full stop. Put him in his carrier for a few minutes. He'll protest, swear at you and all that, but he'll calm down and ask to come out nicely. Eventually, he might go to his carrier himself to get some peace and quiet... and the children will have to learn not to bother him when he’s in there.
It sounds quite harsh, but it really isn't. It's just about learning a language to communicate. Even a mother cat knows how to set boundaries. Since the cat didn't have his mother around long enough to learn from her, he has to learn another way.
Hi there, I think it’s very likely that your kitten’s aggression is partly due to your children. By nature, cats love peace and quiet, and kids are always the first to pester animals. They might not mean it nastily, but they treat them a bit like soft toys and unfortunately don’t really realise what they’re doing. Every cat has its own personality; some are gentle and you can handle them whenever you want, and others will bite or scratch at the slightest thing—there’s not much you can do. However, he’s still too young to tell what his character will be yet. You need to leave him in peace as much as possible, make sure he has a quiet spot where he can eat undisturbed, etc., and most of all, be patient 👋. I have two kids myself, a 2-year-old and a 13-year-old. The youngest often tries to pull the cat’s tail or bother him when he’s eating. I stop him every single time and make it very clear to him. In those moments, my cat either stops eating and goes up to bed in our room because I’ve raised my voice, or he starts pacing around the flat—in which case I give him a little "psst" and he goes off to sleep quietly in my and my partner's bedroom. It’s the same at my mum’s house; as soon as the grandkids visit, she puts one of her cats in her bedroom because he scratches and bites over nothing—you can’t even pick him up, to be honest lol. It’s a bit extreme, but my mum would never get rid of him because she’s attached to him and loves animals. She has the mindset that no matter what happens, when you take on a pet, you stick by them, and plenty of people think the same, including me lol.
Hi there,
I’m really against those nail caps. If they aren’t glued on properly, the cap and the glue can end up in the cat’s stomach, and to me, they seem more like a gimmick than actual protection.
I don’t think poor weaning is the only issue: children can be incredibly stressful for cats, as they are creatures that love peace and quiet. If you haven’t tried Feliway or some sort of calming treatment yet, it’s definitely time to do so. However, if that doesn’t work, it might simply be that your lifestyle isn’t the right fit for this cat.
I once rehomed a three-month-old kitten that was returned to me five months later because she’d almost scratched her owner's eye out. The owner lived in a decent-sized flat (about 750 square feet) with a balcony, no kids or other pets, but after her mother passed away, the kitty started getting more and more aggressive. The owner tried everything to make it work, but after two months of hell, she had to bring the cat back to me in tears.
I thought I was taking back a bloodthirsty monster (literally – when the lady brought her back, she was radiating aggression and was actually scary; I’ve never seen such a terrifying cat, and I work in animal rescue). But within 24 hours, she was back to behaving completely normally (I was in a flat with three other cats at the time). I rehomed her two weeks later with a family in a house with a garden. Since then (it’s been over a year now), everything has been going brilliantly for everyone.
My point is, if you can’t resolve the issue by treating the anxiety, it’s likely this cat needs either a house with a garden or another cat for company to help socialise him. And no children. If your lifestyle isn't right for this cat, it’s not your fault. Sometimes certain cats and certain people just aren't meant for each other, and in that case, the best thing to do is find him a home that meets his needs.
If you do look to rehome him, I’d recommend being very selective about the people. Have them visit first to see if they click, and above all, take the cat to his new home yourself to make sure everything is as you were told and to help with the transition for the kitty. Stay in touch for a while to make sure everything is okay.
I hope it doesn’t come to that, especially since the kitten is still young and it could very well just be a phase he’s going through. Try speaking to a pet behaviourist, who might be able to help you find some alternative solutions.
Well, there we go – everything said gently and kindly for everyone involved... I’d just add: keep persevering...
It would really be better to deal with the root of the problem (teaching him not to scratch) rather than just masking the issue (hiding the claws). :S Does anyone know how to train a kitten not to scratch?
If he isn't sleeping during the day, the kitten must be overstimulated because he's exhausted and under constant stress... Find him a quiet little corner where you can keep him with his food bowl and litter tray, and make sure it’s somewhere cosy. It should be a place where you can leave him between play sessions so he can sleep and feel safe (somewhere the children don't go, for example). Yes, it's easier said than done when you have kids... But he’ll be able to sleep peacefully there. When he wakes up (just have a quiet peek every now and then; he’ll come looking for a game himself if he’s had enough sleep), he’ll be much calmer and ready to play without being aggressive. It’s a bit like a toddler who hasn’t had a nap and is still up at midnight: they tear around the place screaming like a mad thing until they bump their head, but they still refuse to go to bed!
As for your son: you must never wake a sleeping kitten, you shouldn't chase him, and you shouldn't force him to be handled or picked up. It's a hard lesson at his age, but it’s absolutely vital! He isn't a toy; he’s a baby.
You can get them from the vet or online, for example: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Soft-Nail-Caps-Cats-Claws/dp/B00Y838G4W
You just put a bit of glue inside the nail cap and pop it onto the claw. They usually stay on quite well and only fall off when the outer layer of the nail sheds. Then you just need to pop a new one on.
PS: Personally, I wouldn’t recommend claw covers. For a start, they’re applied with glue and we don’t really know what’s in the stuff. The claw stays extended under the cap anyway, so the cat doesn’t get out of the habit. They’re also quite pricey in the long run and can fall off easily. Some cats try to chew them off and end up hurting themselves, plus the cat stops using their scratching posts properly.
In my experience, trimming their claws is actually quite simple and cheap (using claw clippers or even nail clippers, though proper cat clippers are better). It takes less than 5 minutes – about the same or even less of a faff than putting those covers on. They can still use their scratching posts, they learn to retract their claws properly, it looks neater, and there’s no danger at all.
