My male cat is attacking my female

H
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Hi everyone,

I have two cats: a male called Haru (8 years old) and a female called Ialys (7 years old).

My two little fur babies grew up together. He was adopted from a family, whereas she is a little street rescue (cruelly abandoned in a cardboard box when she was about 3 months old). They’ve been my pride and joy for years now; they have very different personalities but are usually inseparable.

Unfortunately, Haru has a tendency to attack Ialys for no apparent reason. He bites her on her legs and neck and she screams—it breaks my heart. I step in whenever I'm around, but I'm starting to think that might not be the right thing to do...

I don’t know if this behaviour is 'normal', and especially how to calm things down when they fight.

She doesn’t even flinch or try to defend herself; she is just an absolute sweetheart.

Anyway, I’m trying to give you as much detail as possible (hence the essay! 😅) so I can get some answers to my questions.

If anyone has been in this situation before and can shed some light on it...

Thanks,

P.S. At the very moment I’m writing this, they are grooming each other! 😻

Translated from French
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6 answers
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    • Blue_Cat
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    @Harpelya,

    If I've understood correctly, you've had the female for three weeks, but more importantly, she's only been spayed for one week. If your male isn't neutered, it's no surprise he's been pestering an unneutered female. If he is neutered, he's simply struggling to share his territory and his owner with an "intruder". Generally speaking, time tends to smooth these situations over.

    So, if your male isn't neutered, cohabiting with another cat could remain very difficult long-term. Cats, and male cats in particular, are extremely territorial. You'll need to get him neutered as soon as possible.

    If he is neutered, you'll need to tackle things on two fronts:

    - Reassure your male a great deal and give him priority in everything (cuddles, feeding). He's the one having to make a big effort to share what was previously all his. Praise and fuss over him generously whenever he's friendly towards the little one.

    - On the other hand, when he goes for her aggressively, step in immediately by shouting NO! loudly, clapping your hands, and placing yourself between them (try to avoid calling him by name at that moment — being called by name should always be a positive experience). If he persists, firmly push him away with your hand, point your index finger near his nose, and shout NO! And if that still isn't enough, shut him alone in a room for a few minutes. This is negative reinforcement, and it's essential when one cat is being repeatedly attacked by the other. If you do this consistently, you should see results fairly quickly.

    I'd like to stress that whenever he is being "nice" to the little one, you should lavish him with praise, using his name often (positive reinforcement).

    Finally, it's very important to have multiple litter trays and food bowls. At least two of each for two cats, and ideally three litter trays. All placed in a quiet corner of a quiet room — even if both cats are currently using the same tray.

    You can also try playing with both of them at the same time — a feather wand, for instance. A shared play session can really help speed up acceptance between cats.

    Translated from French
    H
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    Hi there,

    Thanks for the feedback, it’s really put my mind at ease already.

    It does seem like this behaviour could just be a bit of sibling "bickering".

    That said, I have noticed some minor surface scratches on his neck and above his eye, so he is being a bit rough 😕.

    I appreciate your advice; I do play with them as often as I can, but with work, it’s a bit tricky during the day 😊. I make sure to leave toys out for them, of course. I’ve just moved into a new place, so I haven’t built their cat tree or the little wall-mounted shelving run for them to perch on yet – they’ll be much happier once those are up.

    Regarding the rewards, that’s exactly what I’ve been doing, without even realising it could have a positive impact, so what you’ve said has really reassured me that I’m doing the right thing 😊.

    Thanks again for taking the time to shed some light on the situation.

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    Harpelya
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    Hi there, I’m sorry to jump in, but I’m having the exact same problem. @Blue cat, what can I do to make him understand? You read so much advice saying you shouldn’t intervene or tell them off, blah blah blah... so I’m scared to do anything. I’ve had my 7-month-old female for 3 weeks now; I had her spayed last week. My other cat constantly chases her, bites her and pesters her all day long. She was quite skittish to begin with, so now she spends all her time hiding—we hardly ever see her. And whenever she does venture out, he gives her a right hard time. I’m really worried she’ll never settle in and will just stay away from us, hidden away forever. I’m really looking for solutions; I’m already using Feliway, Bach flowers and Zylkene tablets.
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    Blue_Cat
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    Evening, I’d add that males need to burn off a lot more energy than females. Try having long play sessions with him, using something like a feather teaser, until he’s completely worn out. Don’t ever hesitate to step in if he’s being too rough with her. The idea that you should 'never intervene' is absolute rubbish. Our cats don’t live 'in the wild'; they live in a confined environment with restrictions and forced cohabitation that are a far cry from a 'natural' life. He’ll soon understand that 'Mum' gets cross when he bites her, so it’s your house rules that he’ll have to follow rather than the female’s (who seems a bit passive). That said, make sure to give him plenty of praise when he’s being gentle with her (positive reinforcement).
    Translated from French
    ProvetoJuniorConseil
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    Hi there,

    The behaviour you’re describing sounds a lot like play to me. They don’t seem to be falling out (quite the opposite, actually?), and I don’t think Haru is trying to hurt Lalys; it’s just that he’s playing a bit too rough for her. He might be hurting her slightly (though I’m sure it’s very minor), but I think it’s mostly that it annoys her sometimes, and she yelps because she doesn't want to be bothered—she’s being a bit of a drama queen, in a way! Don't worry, I don't think it's anything serious for her.

    I’m speaking from experience here: I have the same situation sometimes with my two cats, a male and a female who are eighteen months old and have always lived together. It’s a bit like when siblings squabble; it can cause a bit of a ruckus, but deep down, it’s usually just harmless fun.

    You probably won’t be able to stop him from playing like that altogether... All I can suggest is to give him a telling-off when you feel he’s going too far, and try to leave as many toys as possible around the house so Haru can find things to do without pestering Lalys quite so much.

    Hope that puts your mind at rest,

    Best wishes,

    Zachary.

    Translated from French
    ProvetoJuniorConseil
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    Hi there, The behaviour you've described sounds very much like play. It doesn't seem like they're falling out (quite the opposite, I’d say?), and I don't think Haru means to hurt Lalys; he's probably just playing a bit too rough for her. He might be hurting her slightly (though I’m sure it’s only minor), but I think it’s more that she finds it annoying at times, and she might cry out just because she doesn't want to be bothered (she’s being a bit of a drama queen, in a way!). Don't worry, I don't think it’s anything serious. I’m speaking from experience here: I have the same situation with my own two cats, a male and a female who are 18 months old and have always lived together. It’s a bit like siblings bickering—it can cause a bit of a racket, but deep down, there’s usually no malice in it. You probably won't be able to stop him from playing like that altogether... All I can suggest is giving him a telling off when you think he’s going too far, and trying to leave plenty of toys around the house so Haru has other things to keep him busy without pestering Lalys too much. Hope that puts your mind at rest. Best regards, Zachary.
    Translated from French

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