My cat won't accept the new kitten

Sariiitah
Sariiitah Icon representing the flag French
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Hello,

I've read through several threads on the forum about my problem but haven't found an answer,

Here's my situation:

Last Saturday I adopted a little 2-and-a-half-month-old kitten (Gaston). I already have a cat called Paprika who is 7 months old (I've had her since she was 3 months old).

Following the advice from the rescue, I'd already set up 2 clearly separate spaces in advance, each with a litter tray, water bowl and dry food. I even got some Feliway and a calming spray.

So I introduced them on Saturday. Gaston is a very sociable kitten, used to dogs and cats, and always wants to play — but the moment Paprika saw him, she started growling and hissing. I separated them into 2 different rooms, and every day I let Paprika sniff Gaston's cuddly toy to get her used to his scent, but she growls and hisses every single time she smells it...

On top of that, her behaviour towards me has completely changed... she's distant, doesn't come for cuddles anymore, and when I try to give her a fuss she immediately growls and hisses (probably because I smell of the intruder and she's punishing me for bringing him home). She's also barely touching her dry food (though she is eating her wet food).

I've been trying to teach her at the same time not to hiss at me or at the kitten with a firm "no" — she understands it but it makes no difference (she is incredibly stubborn)...

I spoke on the phone yesterday with her first foster carer, who told me to put her in a room as a punishment when she hisses. The problem is I can't catch her when she hisses because she immediately runs and hides under the bed... When I did put her in the bathroom yesterday as a punishment, she didn't stop hissing and growling at me — I think she was frightened. 40 minutes later, same behaviour... but she was trembling with fear. I couldn't take it and ended up giving her cuddles to reassure her, wrapping her up in a blanket. Some of my friends say I should have left her in the bathroom until she stopped hissing and growling at me, to teach her that it's not on... but seeing her trembling like that broke my heart and I just couldn't do it. This morning she didn't come out from under the bed for her dry food — I don't know if she's sulking or if she's scared. It's breaking my heart, my little baby.

Meanwhile, Gaston is super cuddly and absolutely adorable, he wants to explore everything. I'm really worried about leaving them in the same room with Paprika being such a little wild thing...

I don't know what to do or how to handle Paprika to make things better. I'm scared she's going to be like this with me all the time now...

Please, any advice would be really appreciated 😔

Translated from French
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10 answers
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    Anonymous user Icon representing the flag French
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    Hi there, First of all, punishing a cat is a huge mistake because they will just do the exact opposite of what you want. Also, you shouldn't separate cats at the start; you should have let them work it out. It’s completely normal for them to hiss and growl, as cats are territorial animals. You just need to distract them with a game or surprise them with a noise to break it up if things go too far. Keeping their food bowls and litter trays away from each other is a good move. Cats usually accept each other within the first fortnight, but you mustn't keep them apart! However, if it goes on for longer than a fortnight, go and see your vet to potentially arrange a consultation with a behaviourist. (I’m currently training to be a vet nurse)
    Translated from French
    J
    Julob Icon representing the flag French
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    It takes a huge amount of patience. I kept my kitten and my resident cat (who was about 4 when I got the little one) separated for a very long time—about 6 months, I’d say. When I wasn’t home, they were completely separated, and when I was there, I’d leave the doors slightly ajar. There was plenty of hissing from the dominant one; she wasn't happy at all, but it gradually settled down. I noticed a big improvement when I moved into a larger flat (new environment + more space!!). In the end, they found a middle ground (she tolerated him), and I’ve since got a third cat for the second one, who was actually quite lonely. The newest addition quickly became great mates with the second cat (who was over the moon), and the dominant one didn't bat an eyelid—she’s got her well-deserved independence back now that the second one is busy with the newcomer. It’s actually going much better with three cats than it was with two. They’ve all found a kind of balance. Best of luck!! Keep them separate for as long as you need to.
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    F
    Fruitcaptain Icon representing the flag French
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    I feel so guilty for following the advice of Paprika's fosterer; she really insisted on me punishing my cat and everything... But when I saw the state it put her in yesterday, I felt so awful... it really broke my heart... Thank you so much for all your advice @Snowhite! It’s going to help me a lot... I really hope things start going better with Paprika... I agree with you... 😎
    Translated from French
    Emrys
    Emrys Icon representing the flag French
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    Hi everyone,

    When we adopted our kitten, he was 5 months old. We already had a female cat who was 3 and a half. To be honest, she’s a real character! As soon as there are people in the house, she bolts, and as soon as you try to stroke her, she bites... Her Ladyship wants to be left in peace and only wants a cuddle when she asks for one. So, as you can imagine, when we got a second cat, we were quite apprehensive!

    At first, we were really worried; she was hissing at him, swatting, and growling. She’d go off for hours before coming back, but she didn’t want to be around us anymore... But then, with plenty of patience, we made sure to keep giving her attention, talking to her in a soft voice, and never telling her off when she lashed out at the kitten—instead, we’d just distract her by clapping our hands loudly. Then, gradually, we made sure to give them treats together in the same room so she’d start to associate the kitten’s presence with something positive too.

    After a month, she managed to stop "attacking" him (which is a bit of a strong word), and after three months, there were no problems at all.

    I’m not saying they were playing together or were best friends, but they learned to live with each other.

    It takes a lot of patience, and we were also lucky to have a very patient kitten who never retaliated when she swiped or hissed. He’d just wait patiently for her to calm down and then try his luck again :)

    Translated from French
    Blue_Cat
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    Punishing a terrified cat?!? Honestly, that’s hitting rock bottom...

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    G
    Greylox Icon representing the flag French
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    I’m honestly speechless at the advice from this foster home... completely irresponsible.
    Translated from French
    Meysaki
    Meysaki Icon representing the flag French
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    You really need to make sure Paprika sees the new kitten's arrival as a positive thing, as mentioned earlier. Maybe try more playtime for them, plenty of cuddles, treats... and most importantly, show her that nothing is going to change for her.
    Translated from French
    Sariiitah
    Sariiitah Icon representing the flag French
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    I feel so guilty for following the advice from Paprika’s foster carer, she really insisted on punishing my cat and everything...

    But when I saw the state it put her in yesterday, I felt so awful... it really broke my heart...

    Thank you so much for all your advice Snowhite! It’s going to be a massive help...

    I really hope things go better with Paprika...

    Translated from French
    N
    Nessie56 Icon representing the flag French
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    I completely agree with snowhite

    You shouldn't punish a cat; it’ll just backfire and you’ll lose their trust.

    Translated from French
    Snowhite
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    Haha! Right then... First of all, please don't punish your cat, no matter what! She’s just expressing how she feels. Cats are territorial and solitary by nature, so introducing this little newcomer really has to be done the right way. Keeping them in separate rooms is a great start! The kitten should stay in his own room, and your cat should still have access to all her usual spots. Try not to change your own routine too much, but you’re going to have to start again from square one. They need at least a week to adjust without any direct contact. During this time, keep doing the scent swapping like you did with the toy. If she hisses, let her—she's just communicating! Give her plenty of treats instead! You want her to associate the kitten’s scent with something positive, not negative (I’m honestly shocked by what that foster family told you! 😱). Stroke one and then the other without washing your hands (more scent swapping!). Once a day at a regular time, swap them over: put your cat in the kitten’s room and vice versa, but without them actually meeting. You can even use little cloths to rub their scents onto the walls in each room (cats and their smells, eh? 😅). Leave treats around both areas—it’s all about creating positive associations! Once you’re past the 7-day mark, you can let the kitten explore the rest of the house, but don’t force them together or put them face-to-face. Let them work it out; they have their own way of communicating! If her ladyship hisses, just let her get on with it! If they have a bit of a scrap, let them be. They’re just setting the ground rules. It might seem a bit odd to us humans, but that’s just cat language for you. 😊 Try giving them treats at the same time or playing with both of them to build up some bonding, but whatever you do, don't tell them off. It’ll just terrify them more than anything else (as you’ve already seen with your poor cat 😢). If things really aren’t clicking, you just have to go back to the very beginning. Every cat is different, and since your girl has been through a bit of a rough time, it might just take a little longer. (Don’t beat yourself up about it—you were given bad advice and there was no way you could’ve known.) If you handle it right, they’ll eventually get along or at least tolerate each other. ^^ You can’t force naturally solitary animals to love one another, but you can definitely help them live together in harmony.
    Translated from French

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