Hi everyone. I’m having a real problem with my boyfriend regarding how we train our cats. I’ve told him he’s far too violent with them. Following a past incident (he actually made his cat bleed because he hit it so hard and couldn't seem to stop), he promised he’d be less aggressive. Admittedly, he isn't as bad as before, but he still is!
For example, in the evenings my cat scratches at the curtains to see outside or try to get out (she’s an indoor cat), and the noise bothers him. The next day, he grabbed her, put her in front of the window, hit her hard on the head and threw her violently to the floor. I completely disagree with his actions and I tell him so, but as soon as I say anything about how he 'trains' our cats, he gets defensive and becomes very insulting towards me, which leads to frequent rows. He tells me I know nothing about training cats because he’s had several in his life and he just won't listen; he says the only reason his cat doesn't misbehave is because he hit it even harder in the past. He doesn’t listen to me and my words mean nothing to him on this subject. I can’t stand the way he hits the cats and throws them to the floor when they do something wrong, and I’m certain it will have the opposite effect. I need a professional or a cat behaviourist to tell him he’s being way too violent and that there’s no point in being like that with cats, because he’s convinced his method works, but it’s unbearable. I hope someone can help or shed some light on this, thanks a lot in advance for your replies.
Translated from French
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Hello,
Your partner is a psychopath who will never change. You can be absolutely certain that after beating the cats (or killing them), you will be the next victim on his list. This individual is displaying a degree of animal cruelty that is a criminal offence; any rescue or charity would seize those cats from him immediately, with court approval if necessary.
In the immediate term, and since this is a cat forum, I can only advise you to get those cats away from this violent scumbag for good. They would be far better off in a shelter; it’s a no-brainer.
I really struggled to read the whole post as the first few sentences completely turned my stomach.
If I were in your shoes, it would be a very easy decision: I’d kick the boyfriend out (if you can even call him a boyfriend)...
Otherwise, give your cat to an acquaintance, or at the very least to the RSPCA; he shouldn’t have to suffer this kind of violence.
His behaviour is absolutely unacceptable! It’s bound to end in tragedy, that’s for sure.
but it’s clear the OP will stick by him regardless.
You MUST NOT stay with people like that until they have acknowledged the severity of their issues and spent the necessary time getting proper, in-depth help.
There is no point in arguing; we are well beyond the realm of reasonable discussion here.
He is a potential killer, you need to realise that.
(And whatever you do, don't even think about having children with someone like that. MAJOR DANGER.)
Hello, this man has no heart, and if you don’t mind me saying, you need to get away and take your cats with you. This is animal abuse, not training. One day, your kitty could be killed by his violence, and who’s to say he won’t eventually turn on you? He clearly feels the need to take his anger out on someone. If you don’t want to or can’t leave him, please get your cats to safety; whatever you do, don’t keep them there with you. Stay strong, and my heart goes out to those poor fur babies who didn’t ask for any of this. I’m so sad for them and absolutely furious with your partner. Marie
Get away from this guy and take your cats with you.
I know only too well that these kinds of outbursts, this denial of violence, this way of making himself (and you) believe that it's actually the cats' fault, that it's for their own good... it has nothing to do with your cats. The day your cats are no longer there...
Hi there,
There are two ways you could handle this:
- Use his own method: put him in front of your cats and throw him to the floor to teach him not to "misbehave" anymore (be violent towards him) and if possible, draw a bit of blood.
- The suitcase method. Open a suitcase, pack his things. Open a window, and bob’s your uncle, job done.
On a more serious note, I don't think you’ll be able to change his behaviour. Right now, I would leave him, or if you love him too much, I’d move the cats somewhere safe (with friends or family...).
I personally couldn't keep cats in those conditions.
Hi everyone. I’m having a real issue with my boyfriend regarding how we discipline our cats. I’ve been telling him he’s way too violent with them. Following an incident in the past (he hit his cat so hard he made it bleed because he couldn't stop himself), he promised me he’d be less violent. Sure, he is *less* violent now, but he still is! For example, in the evenings, my cat scratches at the curtains because she wants to look outside or go out (she’s an indoor cat), and the noise bothers him. The next day, he grabbed her, put her in front of the window, hit her hard on the head and threw her violently to the floor. I completely disagree with his actions and I let him know, but as soon as I say anything about the way he treats our cats, he gets defensive and becomes very insulting towards me. This causes arguments pretty much every time it comes up. He tells me I don't know anything about cat discipline because he’s had several throughout his life and he just won't listen; he says the only reason his own cat doesn't misbehave like that is specifically because he hit it much harder in the past. He doesn't listen to me and my opinion means nothing to him on this subject. I can't stand the way he hits the cats and throws them around when they do something "wrong," and I’m convinced it’ll just have the opposite effect. I need a professional or someone who understands cat behaviour to tell him that he’s being too violent and that there’s no point in being like that with cats. He's convinced his method works, but it's unbearable. I hope someone can help or shed some light on this, thanks a lot in advance for your replies.
Your boyfriend is clearly the problem here, not your cats. He’s the one with impulsivity issues that need sorting out with a therapist!! It’s shameful to hit animals like that! If your boyfriend is incapable of questioning his own behaviour and you decide to stay with him, take those cats to the RSPCA, otherwise you’re going to end up watching them die. Do these cats deserve a life like this? Absolutely not. Cats scratch things, it’s normal behaviour. If you haven’t bothered to learn about cat behaviour, there’s no point in getting them and keeping them. Hitting an animal doesn’t teach them to stop; it teaches them to be aggressive and fearful. If the cat doesn't die before then, it’ll turn on your boyfriend, and frankly, that’s exactly what he deserves! I’m sick and tired of reading posts like this on forums!!!!
What can I say! I’m at a loss for words facing such violence, so let’s sum it up:
he hits his cat to the point of making it bleed and he doesn't know when to stop!! omg!!
he says his cat doesn't misbehave! yours scratches, and the noise winds him up!!! it's mental! it’s so easy to take it out on a small innocent animal! the day he’s killed the cats, he’ll turn on you! you’ll be the one getting slapped and punched!!
The only advice I can give is, get out of there fast! you’re young, but think carefully; even if for now he’s ‘just’ tormenting a cat, he will inevitably move on to you! no words will change his mind, these people are either sick and stupid or just sadists
I don’t know what your financial situation is, but don’t stay with him! save yourself and save your cat who is counting on you
Keep me posted, even if it’s not what you wanted to hear, I’m speaking from the heart and from experience
This is more of a human problem than a feline one. Ask him: if you have children one day, will he bring them up the same way he treats the cats? A child isn’t a cat, but both feel fear and pain; they both have needs that must be respected, and a healthy relationship isn’t built on hitting.
Who do the cats officially belong to? If they’re yours, the rule is simple: YOUR cats, YOUR way of raising them. If they’re his, talk to the RSPCA.
But eventually, you’ll have to ask yourself what matters most: the cats or your relationship. Find a kinder home for them or leave your partner…
I’m not really sure how to help with this, as it seems to be more of a relationship issue with your partner.
If your opinion isn't being taken seriously, unfortunately, maybe you could try showing him some articles written by professionals? Sometimes an "expert opinion" carries more weight than that of a "regular person", though I suppose it depends on the individual.
However, from what you’ve said, I feel the problem isn't so much his training methods, but rather his attitude. He doesn't seem to be in a "learning mindset"; it sounds more like he’s just taking his frustrations out on the cat.
I know a few people who believe in "tough love" training, but for them, it never goes beyond a little tap on the bum or a flick. Whether or not you agree with those methods, people who actually want to teach their pets something always control their strength.
That doesn't seem to be the case with your boyfriend...
I’ve had a partner who was aggressive towards my pets in the past, and the only thing that worked was physically standing in front of my cat. I wouldn't let him get past or touch my pets until he’d calmed down.
It feels strange writing that, as it reminds me of "body blocking" with dogs.
Mind you, that method didn't change the man in the end—he eventually got the boot.
If talking things through hasn't helped, then aside from standing your ground and making it clear that you absolutely will not tolerate him being violent towards your cat, I’m not sure what else to suggest.
Please look after yourself, though. I don’t want to be a "doom-monger", but the way people treat animals often says a lot about their character.
