My cats don't get along anymore

J
Jlychar Icon representing the flag French
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Hello,

I'm coming to you for help because I'm in a bit of a tricky situation and I genuinely don't know what to do.

I have two domestic shorthair cats — the first, Misty, whom I took in back in October 2011, and the second, Happy, whom I took in in September 2012. I rescued them both at around two and a half months old, so they're now just over 8 and 7 years old respectively.

When Happy first arrived, even though she was tiny, that didn't stop Misty from trying to assert her dominance — to the point where they had a proper scrap (I obviously stepped in to stop it getting nasty). Over time, they eventually got on fine, and up until recently things were going quite well (they sleep together, groom each other, etc.).

There was a period a while back when things weren't great between them, and we later found out it was because Misty had ear mites, which was making her irritable and aggressive, so she kept going for Happy. We got her treated, and at the same time had them both spayed (as the seasons were an absolute nightmare — constant yowling and spraying everywhere). After that, things settled down again.

However, recently (about two weeks ago), they had a big fight one evening for no apparent reason, and I had to step in to break it up. I separated them, and a few hours later they were able to be near each other again without too much bother. But then last night, it happened again — and this time it doesn't seem quite so straightforward: Misty spent the night with me in my room, and Happy with my mum in hers. In the morning, I tried reintroducing them, but Misty was having none of it and immediately turned aggressive. I told myself I'd try again later. At lunchtime, I tried once more, and it was even worse — Misty went straight for her, Happy got wound up too, and it turned into a really vicious fight, with Misty even wetting herself in the process. I stepped in and separated them again (getting scratched for my trouble).

So that's where things stand — Misty is in my room (with a bowl of dry food and a water bowl), and Happy has the run of the rest of the flat, yowling her head off the moment she's left on her own (my mum was out all afternoon, and I can tell you my nerves were well and truly frayed).

I honestly don't know what to do. I don't want to let them fight and have it end badly, but I also don't want to keep them separated because it very quickly becomes unbearable.

Thanks in advance for reading this and for any help you can offer.

Translated from French
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8 answers
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    Anonymous user Icon representing the flag French
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    I’m replying because I noticed the other users haven’t posted for at least two months—or even a whole year—and you might not get a response if you don’t start a new thread. I see that the original issue was exactly a year ago, and in my experience, both males and females go through periods where they are particularly irritable and snappy with each other. So, I’m thinking this might just be a phase and that things will settle down. I certainly hope so, anyway. I did note that in eight years, this is a first for you. My cat, Yuna, does this to me every year; she sometimes stays out for a few nights before coming back and giving everyone a piece of her mind... except me! Mind you, I live in the countryside and my cats are free-roaming, so they prefer to avoid each other rather than fight, and they have the space to do so. It’s usually cats of the same sex that clash, except for Yuna who picks a scrap with everyone... but me! Give Feliway a go; I’ve heard it can have some really amazing results! But otherwise, I think you should make sure they stay out of each other's way until they’ve calmed down to avoid any serious injuries.
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    Ninaadgd
    Ninaadgd Icon representing the flag French
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    Evening, sorry for bumping this thread after a year, but I’m going through exactly what was described in the first comment. I’m at a complete loss – two days ago, for no apparent reason, my two girls started fighting and they won’t stop. They’re 8-year-old sisters and I’ve never seen them like this before. I’m so worried... they’re both spayed and in good health; I even took them to the vet this morning. I’ve picked up some Feliway Friends and some calming tablets to give them for the next fortnight. How did things turn out for you? Did they eventually settle back down? Thanks for your help. Cheers
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    S
    Soniamya Icon representing the flag French
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    I should've known, but everything went fine with the first litter... I don't really get what's happening now. Roughly how long is it likely to last?

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    Kirikiri
    Kirikiri Icon representing the flag French
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    The mum is protecting her young. Unfortunately, there aren't many solutions other than trying to partition the house so the male can get in without running into her.
    Translated from French
    S
    Soniamya Icon representing the flag French
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    Hi everyone, I’m new to this forum and I’m looking for some advice. I’ve had two Maine Coons since they were 4 months old (the mum and dad aren't related). They got on really well until now. Now there’s a lot of aggression; the female won't accept the male in the house anymore. She’s just had her second litter 10 days ago, but I don't understand her behaviour because everything went fine with the first litter. Because of this, my male is avoiding the house. Whenever I see him, he’s scared of me, even though he used to be very cuddly and would sleep with me. On the rare occasions he does come inside, the female attacks him very aggressively. He’s been sleeping outside ever since and doesn't dare come back in. I don’t know what to do, it breaks my heart 😢😢😢
    Translated from French
    G
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    (continued from my previous post)

    Onto point 2 then:

    But why this sudden fallout? It’s not very common for adult cats who have lived together happily for years.

    Only you will be able to get to the bottom of the reason here.

    Firstly, it’s possible that one of your cats is still unwell. You should definitely have this checked out.

    Secondly, have there been any changes or big events at home? A new person or pet moving in, or conversely, someone (human or animal) leaving? New furniture, building work, a new pet next door... the list goes on.

    By the way, do they have access to the outdoors?

    You also need to see if it’s always the same cat acting as the aggressor. Are there certain spots or times of day when these scraps are more likely to happen?

    Basically, you’re going to have to play detective. I’d really suggest keeping a diary of everything, including dates and times; it will help you see the patterns more clearly.

    Translated from French
    G
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    Hi there, First off, just so you know, there’s very little chance they’ll actually do each other any real harm, but I completely understand that it’s not easy to just sit back and watch two cats fight. The way I see it, there are two main things to look at: 1 – managing the current tension between them. 2 – and probably more importantly, understanding why two cats who used to get on like a house on fire suddenly can’t stand the sight of each other. Regarding the first point, I don’t really see any other option than to start the reintroduction process from scratch (see below).* Before you get to that stage, you could try letting them just get on with things around the house and see how it goes, intervening as little as possible. Cats are the absolute masters of free will. The more you step in, the more you risk making matters worse. The more you try to make a cat do something, the less likely they are to do it. I’d advise against trying to force them together yourself, especially if you’re holding one of them in your arms, as she’ll feel vulnerable and her aggression levels will skyrocket. If a bit of friction starts, try to wait as long as possible before reacting, only stepping in if there’s actual bullying (i.e. one cat chasing the other around the house—and be careful not to mistake rough play for aggression). If you do have to step in, don’t shout; distract them or use a cushion or a piece of cardboard, for example, to block the aggressor’s path. You need to stay as calm as possible (I know, easier said than done in the middle of a battlefield!). *For the "back to basics" reintroduction, here are the main steps: Keep the two cats separate, as you’re doing now, but "swap" them twice a day so they can each re-explore the house and take in the other’s scent in peace and quiet. All meals should be served close to each other: one on each side of the door separating the two areas. If they refuse to eat near the door, try moving the bowl back a bit (and then bring it closer to the door for the next meal). If they’re happy eating on opposite sides of the door, you can try cracking it open slightly. Regarding point number 2 (why they’re acting out), I’ll make another post following this one as I think I’m already hitting the character limit on this site! :)
    Translated from French
    M
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    Hi, I’m having a similar issue with my cat and my daughter’s cat. They manage to tolerate each other now, but it’s taken a long time. They can’t really cross paths, but I’m lucky to have a little dog who’s realised they don’t get on. As soon as he sees trouble brewing, he steps in the middle and they both go their separate ways. My girl sleeps in my bedroom with her dry food and water, while my daughter’s cat takes over the sofa when she’s out. Otherwise, she sleeps with my daughter and has her dry food in her room as well. She tries to get into my room whenever she can, though, unless the dog is there. I’m not sure what to suggest other than perhaps a trip to the vet; maybe one of them is feeling poorly and doesn’t want to be approached... Best of luck, we do love our little fluffballs!
    Translated from French

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