A young man dressed only in peanut butter has been spotted walking through a public dog park in Dallas, Texas.
By, 27 Feb 2019
The delicious figure materialized at the Deep Ellum Lofts Dog Park on February 13th of this year wearing nothing but roasted legume spread. The man’s genitalia were pixelated in subsequently-released footage of the phenomenon. Human onlookers in the video appear to be astounded by unfolding events, while dog witnesses wasted no time getting closer for a sniff and a lick.
Rather than disappear into urban legend, however, the Peanut Butter Man was more than forthcoming with an explanation.
“Me and some buddies play fantasy football,” the man, who identified himself as Steven Shrout (25), told The Dodo. “They came up with the craziest thing ever for the loser. It was absolutely ridiculous.
“They said I wouldn’t do it, but I did it. It was the most embarrassing moment of my life. Guaranteed.”
Honouring his lost wager seems to have been a point of pride for Shrout, who later admitted his so-called friends didn’t expect him to go through with the ritual humiliation.
While the consequences for neglecting to honour the bet are not known, Shrout apparently takes them seriously enough to sit out next year’s fantasy football contest, for fear of a peanut butter follow-up.
The peanut is a legume, not a nut. But it was Shrout’s own nuts that were on the line as he paraded past unfamiliar dogs, all sauced up in oily toast-topper.
Thankfully for Shrout and the dogs, who undoubtedly would have faced harsher punishment than Shrout had blood been drawn, the naturally curious park-users were satisfied with a cursory examination of the situation. Intrigued but hardly impressed by the exhibitionist’s tasty display, the dogs restrained themselves from the kind of all-out peanut butter binge to which the best of us are susceptible.
“They just ended up licking me,” Shrout told interviewers, ambiguously adding: “I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone.”