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FBI alerted as American rapper dyes dog bright red

A rapper has incurred virtual wrath after dying his dog red.
© Valee - Twitter

The musician, rapper, and mixtapeologist Valee “Valee” Taylor has incurred the wrath of dog-lovers and fans alike after he dyed his Chihuahua a chilli-pepper shade of red.

By G. John Cole, 18 Jun 2019

Storm in a virtual teacup

It’s what they call, in Germany, a “Riesen-Shitstorm.”

“[H]e reddi for da bitchz,” Valee proudly told his Twitter following as he presented video and photographic evidence of the bright red Chihuahua.

However, his misogynistic turn of phrase went largely uncriticised as Twitter users instead rounded on the dog’s apparent mistreatment: the creature’s alleged subjection to chemical dyes and the hot asphalt on which he was photographed.

“[D]is edible vegan dye... no chemicals,” Valee tweeted in response to his critics. “And it’s 60 degrees [15.5 °C] here, not hot. y’all wild.”

But respondents were quick to point out the dog looks far from happy in the images – if, indeed, a Chihuahua can ever be said to be happy.

The argument blew up simultaneously on photo-sharing network Instagram, where one user pointed out: “Any dye thats [sic] non edible or non animal safe burns and hurts the pet, if u used some regular dye your dog in pain rn.”

“, Is that cillford [Clifford] the big red dog,” chimed in another user, mysteriously prefixing their comment with a rogue apostrophe.

“Very wrong... go to hell 깸당쒯끼야,added jaycho_loopy.

Dog tags

Others simply tagged the various agencies they assumed responsible for dealing with the assumed crime, ranging from PETA to the FBI. YouTuber Ethan Klein was especially vigilant, tagging the FBI, the White House, both of Donald Trump’s known Twitter handles, and Barack Obama.

But Valee seems unphased by the attention. His dog, whose name remains an industry secret (the rapper’s previous dog, a Yorkie, was named Furrari), appears in its full technicolour glory on the cover of Valee’s latest release, the Runnin' Rich EP.

Meanwhile, in Germany, the animal protection agency Stadttaubenhilfe Koblenz has discovered a pigeon dyed red in an apparent copycat/copypigeon incident.

The pigeon has not been charged, as fabulousness is not yet a crime.